Revelation #1: Blogger Como
I realize that I have been M.I.A in my blog post over the past couple of months. I blame writers block, a boring existence, and cold weather on my absence.
Writers Block: I would finally get around to wanting to post an update on my life and to only get halfway through and save it for later in my draft pile, never to be seen again.
Boring existence: My friend and I spoke a few weeks ago about being in Marriage Limbo.
Definition: Marriage Limbo
Not to be confused with being in a bad or failing marriage. The state at which you are too mature to party with the single or newly married 23 year olds but have not yet had children of your own to be able to sit with the plus 2 crowd to talk about diapers, teething, and breast feeding.
G and I are at a very happy place in our marriage but Marriage Limbo is the real deal. Officially… not facebook officially… it feels as if we are the LAST couple to enter into the baby world. It seems silly to assume that if you place a hundred couples, age 25-30 years old in a room that they would all have the same things to talk about.
It has been my experience thus far in my “friend finding search” in Iowa that finding couples on the same page as you is a relatively impossible feat. Unless there is a past relationship that is shared with similar memories to relive it’s extremely hard to hold up a conversation without bringing children into play.
With that said… I feel as if my personal life is at a stand still… in a good way. My husband and I continue to grow as a couple. We enjoy each others company, praise our accomplishments, and look forward to one day taking that next step.
So what the heck am I suppose to talk about!
Weather: I also blame the Mid West weather for my lack of attention to my blog. It really has nothing to do with it but doesn’t everyone blame the weather for the problems?
Revelation #2: Facebook is the devil knocking at our door
It is my belief that Satan is not a living or non-living being. I believe Satan to be objects, situations, and tools thrown in our paths that cause us to devalue our own lives. The things cause us to question what is rational, real, and true to what we believe and will cause us to enter into sin.
How can something like Facebook that is considered “Social” – media make one feel so alone when it is the complete opposite; unsocial media?
A month ago I found myself wanting to delete my account.
It was a point in my life where I was overcome with the baby announcements. It filled my heart with envy and jealousy to think that everyone will be starting families and here we were, my husband and I, still waiting out the process to consider trying. I felt silly googling, “pregnancy envy” to read of others turmoil's… especially when they all dealt with couples who COULDN’T get pregnant… not people like us that just haven’t started yet. It is a real feeling though, a dark feeling. Wanting to be happy for others but feeling a slight resentment that it isn’t you.
Facebook gives us the feeling that we need to update everyone on every little thing going on in our lives… that is good. No one updates their “Friends” on the really shitty stuff, who would “like” that. Sometimes I find myself reading the wall on my facebook app over ten times a day to see what’s going on and find myself wishing I hadn’t. Sure enough the next day I login to get my daily fix.
Facebook is a place that you can have over 200 friends and feel the loneliest you have ever felt. You can feel good about your appearance one second and see a friend that looks amazing in their new wall post and automatically think that you are ugly and need to lose weight. You can see a group of friends on a night out on the town and you are home in your PJ’s at 9pm on a Friday night and think to yourself that you are a loser with no friends. You can see people announcing engagements, marriages, babies, new homes and think why not me.
As bad as this all sounds, I will surely be checking my facebook wall after I complete this post.
I’m an optimist by nature and have had a revelation that Facebook may be the devil but it will no longer cause my little green monster to show. I choose to “unfollow” those that continuously post what I don’t wish to see on a daily basis. If I want to check in on you I will look you up and check in on my own accord. I’ve also decided with this new year that I will limit my facebook obsession by cutting out the tools that lead me to check it all the time.
Which leads me to:
Revelation #3: Good-bye iPhone… Hello World
Over the holiday I had a conversation with my husband about how silly it was that I have two iPhones; one for work and one for personal use. I pay $80.00 a month on my personal so that I can call my family back east without using work minutes and can also have access to all the gizmos the iPhone has to offer. I like keeping my personal life and work life separate but do I really need a data plan of my own to get e-mail, facebook, and candy crush?
I decided that the answer to my question is simple. At this time in my life I do not NEED the extra gadgets that a smart phone has to offer. I want to be present in my life. I want to read a book instead of wasting away beating level after level of candy crush that seems to have no end in sight. I want to begin to cut out things in life that do not build me or benefit me. We should be reading books that influence us, not Facebook statuses that deteriorate our self worth.
I am happy to say goodbye to 2013. It was a year of self reflection… with the good and the ugly and I look forward to a happier 2014.
Hey, it’s an even year which means good things to come… right?
Happy New Year!
*I want to note that I hope no one reading this feels that my “bad” feelings were in any way a reflection of their happiness. I am overjoyed for all the families I know that have grown over the year and look forward to seeing all the wonderful memories you will have to come. This is a reflection of my own feelings and how I have learned to deal with them over the past year.